Friday, April 27

preparation

Do you think it's actually possible for time to speed up? Ok, maybe not but it sure does feel like it. I'm partially thankful that it has because that means its Friday, but also not so thrilled because I don't like wishing my time away. It's definitely a double edge sword. I can't believe that it's the last weekend in April. This month just flew by. It was so jam packed full of events and goodness, which I am so thankful for, but sometimes those things can make you tired.

As much as I CANNOT wait to be married and to begin a completely new stage of life, I don't want to waste away this season. I know that as soon as its over I'm going to miss this season. I've learned to call it the season of preparation. Preparing to be married. Preparing to live with a boy. Preparing to possibly make some career shifts. Preparing to building our home. There are a lot of firsts and a lot of lasts in this season. There are also a lot of changes.

I have this desire to change everything when I change just one thing. So since I'm getting married, obviously that means we should move and I should get a new job to go along with my new last name. And maybe even get a new style. Ok, not really a new style because I don't have that kind of budget. Regardless, I can get wrapped up in needing to start or change things right now. Once I get my mind on something, I want to do it right away. So this season of preparing should also be considered a season of patience.

My career is an area that I often struggle with being patient. Typically, if there is something that I don't enjoy I am ready to start something different immediately because, obviously that's the easiest answer, to run away, but I'll save that topic for another day. If you were to ask my mom she would probably tell you that I have a new career idea just about every other week. Literally. I always have something that I am wanting to do and it typically has nothing to do with what I am currently doing. I just struggle with the fact that I don't believe my career and my passion are aligned just yet. I so strongly desired to love my work. Don't get me wrong, there are days that I love my work but I want to have passion. I want to have desire.

There is this constant tension in my soul that tells me to do what I am passionate about but the other, more realistic side, tells me that I need to have a better attitude about what I'm doing and there I will find more passion. It's such a difficult place for me. Just like all things, career cannot be your life or where your value lies. Yet, I desire so deeply to leave my mark on this world and to do it with passion.

Most days I sit in this tension of a desire to do what I'm passionate about but face the reality of life, responsibility and what seems reasonable. Although, I am getting closer to taking a leap of faith and discovering that passion, for now I remain in this season of preparation.

Oh, ps...this is just a sneak peak of our engagement session from last weekend. I'm cannot wait to see the rest!

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