preparation

Do you think it's actually possible for time to speed up? Ok, maybe not but it sure does feel like it. I'm partially thankful that it has because that means its Friday, but also not so thrilled because I don't like wishing my time away. It's definitely a double edge sword. I can't believe that it's the last weekend in April. This month just flew by. It was so jam packed full of events and goodness, which I am so thankful for, but sometimes those things can make you tired.

As much as I CANNOT wait to be married and to begin a completely new stage of life, I don't want to waste away this season. I know that as soon as its over I'm going to miss this season. I've learned to call it the season of preparation. Preparing to be married. Preparing to live with a boy. Preparing to possibly make some career shifts. Preparing to building our home. There are a lot of firsts and a lot of lasts in this season. There are also a lot of changes.

I have this desire to change everything when I change just one thing. So since I'm getting married, obviously that means we should move and I should get a new job to go along with my new last name. And maybe even get a new style. Ok, not really a new style because I don't have that kind of budget. Regardless, I can get wrapped up in needing to start or change things right now. Once I get my mind on something, I want to do it right away. So this season of preparing should also be considered a season of patience.

My career is an area that I often struggle with being patient. Typically, if there is something that I don't enjoy I am ready to start something different immediately because, obviously that's the easiest answer, to run away, but I'll save that topic for another day. If you were to ask my mom she would probably tell you that I have a new career idea just about every other week. Literally. I always have something that I am wanting to do and it typically has nothing to do with what I am currently doing. I just struggle with the fact that I don't believe my career and my passion are aligned just yet. I so strongly desired to love my work. Don't get me wrong, there are days that I love my work but I want to have passion. I want to have desire.

There is this constant tension in my soul that tells me to do what I am passionate about but the other, more realistic side, tells me that I need to have a better attitude about what I'm doing and there I will find more passion. It's such a difficult place for me. Just like all things, career cannot be your life or where your value lies. Yet, I desire so deeply to leave my mark on this world and to do it with passion.

Most days I sit in this tension of a desire to do what I'm passionate about but face the reality of life, responsibility and what seems reasonable. Although, I am getting closer to taking a leap of faith and discovering that passion, for now I remain in this season of preparation.

Oh, ps...this is just a sneak peak of our engagement session from last weekend. I'm cannot wait to see the rest!

authenticity + thanksgiving

via pinterest

There are those moments. Moments of authenticity. Those moments where regardless of the circumstances, life is hard. There are moments that even though there is nothing going on bad enough to complain about  but that are hard. These are the moments that are so real, so raw, that they remind us that we're human and remind us where we live.

Although most people around us have no idea those moments even occur, they either destroy us or they refine us. And we have the option to decide which they're going to do. Although, a lot of times I would much rather let them destroy me in the moment. To throw a fit or stomp my feet. Yet, once that moment is over, its gets you no where. No where, but feeling worse than you already did.

Or we can choose to be refined. To brave the elements and be shaped for the better. Not usually the feel good option in the short term but we end up being better off because of it. And when those moments occur I find myself asking if this will ever end. Not life, but suffering and hardship. How do we keep moving each day if this is what we have to look forward to.

Hope.

We hold on to hope. Hope that one day all will be rectified. Hope that one day not another tear will fall. Hope in the truth. And until that day comes, we get even smaller moments. Smaller than the moments of authenticity. These are the moments that let us know that all is okay. The colors of a sunset. The smell of freshly cut grass. The sounds of a loved ones voices. The touch of a pillow at the end of a long day. These are the simple breaths that rejuvenate the soul and fill us with hope.

Approach each moment of authenticity with thanksgiving for those moments of hope. That's what keeps us moving.

this season + cake balls

The wedding season has officially kicked off in our family. This weekend marked the first bridal shower for my future sister-in-law. I headed up the planning for the weekend celebration and thanks to the help of my family, the shower was a complete success. And I am so so excited to have Kayli as a part of our family!

One of the biggest hits of the party were the cake balls. If you've never had them, you're definitely missing out. They're bite size and dangerous because its really hard not to have just one. I got the original recipe from the Bakerella website, which she has awesome bakery recipes.

Cake balls are pretty simple to make but do take some pre-planning for time.

Step 1. Bake a cake. Just like you normally would. I used a red velvet box cake.

Step 2: Once the cake has cooled completely. Crumble it up and put it in a bowl.

Step 3: Add one container of frosting. Now, I'm not a big proponent of store bought frosting but it works the best for this recipe because its the right size and consistency. Also, I used cream cheese frosting with the red velvet cake. The consistency of the cake balls works well with these two elements.

Step 4: Mix together the frosting and crumbled cake. Then take about a tablespoon of the mixture and roll it into a ball. Place it on a wax paper covered baking sheet. Once the whole mixture is rolled into cake balls, place them in the refrigerator to chill. (I chilled mine overnight but you can also put them in the freezer if you want to do it all in one day)

Step 5. Once the cake balls are chilled, remove them from the fridge. Next, melt either candy coating or vanilla/chocolate bark in a pan or the microwave. It's best if you don't melt the whole package at the same time. Take smaller portions because the cake tends to turn the bark the same color as the batter (in my case the white bark turned red). Once the bark is melted, dip each cake ball into the bark. I used toothpicks but you can also use a spoon or tongs. Once it's fully coated, place it on wax paper to cool and dry. This is when I added to sprinkles, as well.

Once they are cooled, you can serve them immediately or you can stick them back in the fridge to chill for a bit longer. Serve when ready and enjoy!

They're so so good. And don't sit next to them or you may eat the whole plate. You've been warned.

Lastly, here are a few shots from the lovely bridal shower.

On the farm

As many of you did, we celebrated Easter this weekend. Each year our family has an egg hunt on the farm.

It looked a little something like this...

on wandering

Right now I'm reading through the book of Exodus. It's a pretty intense story if you read it. A story about enslaved people for 430 years and then it takes 10 plagues before the Pharaoh let them go. 430 years before they were free. Now that's patience.

But the story reminded me of my own life. Being enslaved to my own thoughts, insecurities, past, but God was still faithful and set me free from it all. Now that's a great story; such a nice happy ending.

Except when you read the rest of the story it talks about how God didn't take the people on the most direct path. He made them wander in the wilderness. He took them on a path that might not be as scary, so they wouldn't turn back and enslave themselves again.

Such a life lesson there. A lot of times God doesn't take us on the most direct, and usually what seems to us to be the most obvious, path. He takes us on a journey that will be better for us, even when it doesn't seem to be. That is just so much my life story and probably pretty similar to your own. It takes patience and trust to follow through the wilderness. And for me I usually have the path figured out and exactly how I'm going to get there and where I'm going to need to stop for gas.

But life is so much like the exodus. We wander in expectation. We have to be patient and trust that He is faithful. Oh but that being patient thing is so hard. It's hard when you just want that part of life to start right now. When you want to start college, or that new career, marriage, owning a home, starting your ministry, having a family or maybe even retirement.

Patience is a part of life.It's a lesson that I have to relearn often. But sometimes wandering in the wilderness can be a beautiful route, albeit slower,but maybe, just maybe, we can bask in the journey.